Conned!


In which I am outdated, and outraged

I’ve been ill these past few days, and today is my first day back at work. I’ve missed a couple of runs due to almost dying (it was a SERIOUS cold) and so when I popped into the shop on my way in, I bought a running magazine for inspiration.

Exhibit ‘A’

So far, so good. Infact, I was so pleased with myself for being on my way to a healthier life (buying a running mag is almost as good as going for a run) that I decided to take a picture of said magazine, instagram the crap out of it, and upload to Twitter and Facebook to show how healthy I am.

A few minutes later, I received this tweet:

Tweet Tweet

“Not got that copy.” That was (should have been) my first clue.

New out! I thought. I’m going to be on the cutting edge of all the new information, and I’ll be running better than everyone! I should’ve brought my running gear to work so I could start straight away, a few laps of the shop, perhaps?

I started looking through the magazine and read: “This month is a big one for marathons, and they don’t come bigger than London.”

London? That’s ages away! (Clue #2). Uber-Cutting Edge! They talk about things 6 months in the future as though they’re this month! I’ll be getting all sorts of questions about why I’m so good and where I got my info! I’ll be rich!

Sadly, no.

I looked at the front of the magazine, at the date.

May.

Incase you’ve forgotten, or don’t have a calendar handy, it’s October.

BUT WAIT! It get’s worse.

Exhibit ‘B’ (Just the same as Exhibit ‘A’, but zoomed in a bit)

MAY 2011!

17 months ago! It hasn’t been 2011 for at least nine months! You could have a baby in that time!

I’m no longer cutting edge, I’m off the edge! I don’t even know where the edge is! (Touring with U2, probably. Boom boom!)

Now I’m worried that my running technique will be outdated! People will laugh at my running style and say things like “Look at him, he’s SO May 2011…!”

I can’t even remember what I was doing in May 2011 so I can’t pretend I time travelled or anything!

The cover of the magazine promises “369 Unmissable Races To Enter Now” but I’ve missed all 369. It should’ve said “369 Unmissable Races To Enter Now Unless You’ve Been Sold This Magazine By Someone Who Ignores Dates And By Dates We Mean Dates As In Days And Months And Not Dates As In Fruit Or Going For A Nice Meal With A Loved One Or Someone You Fancy A Bit.”

I go in that shop quite often, so next time I’m in I’ll mention this (for want of a better word) balls-up, and tell him that if anyone laughs at my out-dated running, I’ll make sure they don’t come into his shop. Or I’ll ask for a free Twix.

I daren’t even look at the milk I bought.

113 thoughts on “Conned!

  1. I too, once had an outdated object in my hands. It was a mobile phone and it no longer existed on the mainstream market. So I thought that people can’t hear me through the phone anymore when calling because I was in the past and they were in the future. I spent the better part of that year talking to people in the future. I learned that with the economy collapsing and all, the future sucked ass. So, I kept the said phone.

  2. Lol oh no! Thanks for the laughs. πŸ™‚

  3. This was funny! Nice! πŸ™‚

  4. Thanks for this, and thanks for not remembering what you were doing in May 2011!

  5. Sounds like you have a lot of running to do to catch up to October 12
    Great read – enjoyed it – congrats on being FP

  6. I will laugh at your outdated running technique every single day.

  7. I think if you get new shoes they will outbalance he dated running style and instead of moaning about everything you missed pretend you have been running since 2011 and I bet you will feel fitter without having to do a single step

  8. This was so funny. I stopped blogging a few months ago, but I wish I could write something this entertaining. πŸ™‚

  9. Excellent post, this gave me a case of the giggles. Congrats on getting freshly pressed it was well deserved! If anyone does laugh at your “outdated” running technique simply tell them it is vintage, vintage is all the rage so you will be able to one up them πŸ˜‰ cheers!

  10. Where did the shop owner even find that?

  11. Too funny! Love your awesome humor!

  12. Hahahahahaha – awesome, made my oh so dreary, dull and straight out crap day. Looking forward to an in depth post on how they ran in May 2011.

  13. Oh this gave me a good laugh. And yes, whatever you do, don’t look at the milk!

  14. Thanks for my laugh this morning ( I always try to laugh at least once a day!). Great post. You are one brave soul….

  15. DON’T SUBSCRIBE if you do they will send you a free watch with an alarm which is preset to go off when you are sleeping (it knows when you sleep!). It will also manage to become lost and you will forget about it until it wakes you from sleep at 2am every night for the next 3 years! Just saying.

    Great blog.

  16. Its short and hilarious…Love it πŸ™‚

  17. So hilariously awesomely amazing! Great post, man! Maybe running is out of style now. I hear doing laps (in speedos no less) in the pool is all the rage. Or at least the people at my gym think so. Just don’t get speedos with rubber duckies on them. It’s hard not to smirk when that guy comes around….

  18. didnt that totally make you forget about the days you were in bed because of cold… great post!… it had its share of humor, which was just lovely to read… πŸ™‚

  19. Being one who also increases her running ability by purchasing magazines about running (though never thought about photo-posting), I feel your pain. I also match your LOL and up you a “ROTF.” Nice work. Now for fartleks.

    • If people on my twitter can post pictures of their dinner, I’m allowed to post pictures of my magazines. No matter how old they are. I’m side swiping you with a LMAO.

  20. Hahaha I have been conned with last months issue before, but never 17 months ago. I would be taking it back. Great story though, love how you told it.

  21. I love this post…

  22. If you hold onto the magazine for another 20 years, it will all be in vogue again, even to the eye-watering shades of yellow and pink. Runner’s World tends to recycle the same information, anyway.

  23. So funny.
    Something I would do

  24. Great article, very funny, loved it !!! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed !

  25. Go for the Twix. Good call.

  26. Absolutely brilliant!!! Hate the phrase LOL but I actually did laugh out loud!!

  27. That’s hilarious!

  28. Haha I love this! I’ve done thie before too, but not THAT old! I subscribe to RW as well so good luck to you!

  29. sounds like you have an issue

  30. Funny post bad luck on out of date issue … Your running style won’t be outdated I promise πŸ˜› I watched the cardiff half marathon today there were definately an array of techniques πŸ™‚ Great Post πŸ™‚

    • Thanks very much! I thought about doing Cardiff 1/2, but couldn’t get the time off. Next time gadget, next time!

  31. I like how they put women in tiny shorts on their running magazine covers. It’s completely appropriate and relevant, sure, but it’s also a selling tactic. When I walk into a newsstand I can’t tell the different between Maxim/FHM and other “men’s publications” and sports magazines.

  32. Hey I don’t blame you for missing the date on the cover with that distracting girl smiling at you!
    Hilarious post. Well done. πŸ™‚
    P.S. was the milk still good?

  33. Congratulations – I never thought I’d read a post about running. But you made me do it, and I enjoyed it! Thank you!

    • Thanks for your comment. Up until a few months back, I didn’t think I’d ever be writing a post about running!

  34. Hate when that happens! I bought a Coke last month and after the first two sips, I checked the bottle and saw that the best before date was January 2011 :-/ sickk!

  35. This was hilarious!!! That is definitely something that would happen to me.

  36. Pheidippides ran the first marathon over 2,500 years ago, so I wouldn’t be too worried about your running style being outdated. The most important running advice I ever got was from a five year old. Run with a smile on your face, my friend.

  37. I’m in a state of outrage at this nonsense. In empathy with you, I shall not go running at all this month (or any other month, in fact, because I resemble a charging baby elephant when I run).

  38. Haha. Just think: the “latest and greatest” shoes can be now bought for a discount!
    Did you return the magazine to the store?

  39. very well written, It is unfortunate that you got an old issue of RW. Glad your healthy again. what’s your next conquest?

  40. Reblogged this on i Choose to Tri and commented:
    I just had to share this post…super funny!

  41. Ok, that is absolutely hilarious!

  42. You could start a new trend in “recent retro” running.

    Sorry to hear you had such a bad bought with the virus. I think it used me as a Trojan horse to get into the UK via Belfast a few weeks ago. So sorry.

    I have just started running again, could you send me the magazine so I can start where I left off?

    • I knew you were to blame for infecting the uk! No one believed me. If you want the mag, PM me your address on twitter and I’ll send it to you. Not even joking. Want this reminder of the past out of my life.

      • Unfortunately I think I have the US edition in my “hording” of past issues of running/cycling/tri mag’s.
        Maybe take it back and ask for a refund?!

  43. I don’t make it a habit of laughing at others pain, but this did make me laugh out loud. I needed the laugh. Don’t feel bad it happens to most of us.

  44. Everyone likes “retro”

  45. That’s pretty poor man, I’ve seen WH Smiths try to get away with selling the month before issue on things before but this is something else…

    Next time you’re in the market for running mags try Men’s Running.

    I absolutely swear by it, helped me immensely.

  46. AWESOME!!!!! I laughed, and after my morning of special GI distress, this is what I needed. Good Luck, and THANK YOU!

  47. Where did you purchase this? Victorian H Smiths?

  48. I think you’ll be fine. What’s old is new again. I think I saw some people running like it was 2011 just the other day.
    They were doing ironically, of course, but I’m sure that’s what everyone was thinking when they saw you sporting your nostalgic stride as well.

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