Conned!

In which I am outdated, and outraged

I’ve been ill these past few days, and today is my first day back at work. I’ve missed a couple of runs due to almost dying (it was a SERIOUS cold) and so when I popped into the shop on my way in, I bought a running magazine for inspiration.

Exhibit ‘A’

So far, so good. Infact, I was so pleased with myself for being on my way to a healthier life (buying a running mag is almost as good as going for a run) that I decided to take a picture of said magazine, instagram the crap out of it, and upload to Twitter and Facebook to show how healthy I am.

A few minutes later, I received this tweet:

Tweet Tweet

“Not got that copy.” That was (should have been) my first clue.

New out! I thought. I’m going to be on the cutting edge of all the new information, and I’ll be running better than everyone! I should’ve brought my running gear to work so I could start straight away, a few laps of the shop, perhaps?

I started looking through the magazine and read: “This month is a big one for marathons, and they don’t come bigger than London.”

London? That’s ages away! (Clue #2). Uber-Cutting Edge! They talk about things 6 months in the future as though they’re this month! I’ll be getting all sorts of questions about why I’m so good and where I got my info! I’ll be rich!

Sadly, no.

I looked at the front of the magazine, at the date.

May.

Incase you’ve forgotten, or don’t have a calendar handy, it’s October.

BUT WAIT! It get’s worse.

Exhibit ‘B’ (Just the same as Exhibit ‘A’, but zoomed in a bit)

MAY 2011!

17 months ago! It hasn’t been 2011 for at least nine months! You could have a baby in that time!

I’m no longer cutting edge, I’m off the edge! I don’t even know where the edge is! (Touring with U2, probably. Boom boom!)

Now I’m worried that my running technique will be outdated! People will laugh at my running style and say things like “Look at him, he’s SO May 2011…!”

I can’t even remember what I was doing in May 2011 so I can’t pretend I time travelled or anything!

The cover of the magazine promises “369 Unmissable Races To Enter Now” but I’ve missed all 369. It should’ve said “369 Unmissable Races To Enter Now Unless You’ve Been Sold This Magazine By Someone Who Ignores Dates And By Dates We Mean Dates As In Days And Months And Not Dates As In Fruit Or Going For A Nice Meal With A Loved One Or Someone You Fancy A Bit.”

I go in that shop quite often, so next time I’m in I’ll mention this (for want of a better word) balls-up, and tell him that if anyone laughs at my out-dated running, I’ll make sure they don’t come into his shop. Or I’ll ask for a free Twix.

I daren’t even look at the milk I bought.