I HONESTLY Didn’t Mean To, Madam!


In Which I… Am Sorry, Truly Truly Sorry

Because I’m aiming to compete in triathlons, after most of my cycles home (cycle… homes?) I’ve been putting my bike away, then getting straight out for a short run. (Technically known as ‘Brick’, cycle then run afterwards.)

A few days ago I cycled the long way home (seven miles) and set off running on a small loop around home, which measures just under two miles. What with it being January and that, it’s dark at night. The first half of the loop is uphill, so nice and steady does it, but then the second half is downhill which means I sometimes get a bit giddy and speed up.

One small section of the downhill is where the pavement narrows, but there’s a line of a half dozen houses with bushes along the road.

Which is why, in the dark, if you live in one of those house you should look both ways when leaving your garden. NOT, as happened, amble (yes, Amble!) out your garden then meander (yes, Meander!) down the hill.

The reason being, there might be a giddy runner stonking (yes, …you get it) down the hill (maybe looking a bit upwards because he might think ‘if there’s bats around I might get bit and turn into batman’ and yes I know that’s not how batman became batman but I’m not rich like batman and yes I know it’s Bruce Wayne that’s rich technically but technically SHUT UP because I KNOCKED RIGHT INTO HER!)

BAM! POW! THWACK!

Yup, right into the back of her. Obviously, she screamed very loudly (didn’t shout for batman though. Should’ve suggested it) I’d realised a split second before hitting into her, that in was about to (within a split second) hit into her, but had no chance of stopping.

I did my best though, and with my super-reactions I caught her so she didn’t go flying onto the floor or over a wall. The thing is, as my left arm went around her shoulder and stopped her projection, my right hand automatically tried to help, but her arms were in mid scream in the air, so what I’m saying is this…

I think I grabbed a boob.

(A lesser man might’ve said ‘I was left feeling a right tit’, but I’m above such things.)

Which leaves the moral of the story to be this:

Not everyone can be batman, but always shout for batman just in case a batman is near. (Or, look before you leap. Or something.)

January Stuff

Miles run: 45
Miles biked: 92

Got my Mad Dog 10k number through, #750. This Sunday!

Also, this week New 10k PB: 54:15!

In Other News

Lily (our kitten) has had her op this week and has taken to napping in my rucksack. Sarah thinks it’s cute, I’m reserving judgement for when I see how much cat hair gets on my running stuff.

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25 thoughts on “I HONESTLY Didn’t Mean To, Madam!

  1. Made me chuckle … thanks for that :)

  2. If this starts happening on a regular basis, you might have to start charging her for the experience… :-)

  3. Haha, this is beyond funny! Though I would also have been looking for bats :D

  4. Your posts always manage to make me giggle. :-)

  5. Awesome journey! I read a few of your older articles and it’s awesome to see how you’ve transformed! Nice work bro, I’m cheering for you! #badassery :-)

  6. Love your writing style! Lots of personality and energy. Your aspiring aspirations are clear and evident – can’t wait to read more!

  7. Seriously, you always make my day! In a week of stress and heavy at work without running (or so little that it doesn’t feel at all), your post enlightened my day!
    Thanks and keep up with the training

  8. I sorta feel sorry for the lady, but, this is too funny.

  9. Laughed out loud. Poor woman – and you!

  10. Very funny! I laughed out loud. Also, sweet kitty!

  11. Awesome post! good luck in the mad dog.

  12. Classic! Laughing hard.

  13. I think the poor lady you hit might’ve said, “I was knocked down by a boob.”

  14. So funny! You are Batman in my books

  15. Thanks for the laugh and the sweet moment!

  16. Hilarious account. Thanks for sharing!

  17. I’m sorry, but that is hilarious. Who knows…maybe she liked it! Lol

  18. Oh I bet that made for an entertaining run…I would probably be laughing out lout for the rest of the run :)

  19. Do you feel better having made a clean breast of it? You didn’t say how you explained it away or calmed her down. I can imagine she was ready to lash out at you…

  20. ROF… omg thanks for the laugh. And the new running term. “BRICK” can’t wait to get a bike at my new place.

    Good luck with the cat hair…. :-/

  21. Hahaha I feel for her, I really do… I’m sure she doesn’t know what hit her, although I’m pretty sure the thought of it being batman never crossed her mind. It’s also far more entertaining than that time I almost collided with an opening car door on an evening run last week… That was nowhere near cool enough for any catwoman analogies… =(

  22. I’m sure she will forgive the the boob grab, it was an attempted rescue, not a grope & run. I am Mad Dog no. 1254 so I may see you on the day, your about 15 minutes faster than me though so I won’t see you for long!

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